She's Already Two!

Well, I am fresh back from a visit to Pineville Louisiana.  My plan was to go down for a helping visit. My daughter needed help to paint some of the rooms inside the house they are renting.  We got permission from the Landlord and off we went to purchase supplies.  

They have been in Pineville for several years now.  My son in law is working for a college there and is in charge of the Choirs and voice programs.  He also has his Doctorate in Music Education and holds a Chair position at the college.  My daughter has received her Masters in ELA and has secured a position at a local Middle School as an English teacher.  She loves her work and the children and is a very good teacher.

My visit to Pineville was rather difficult this time.  I did not get the enjoyment that I expected to get.  My grandson has some behavior issues that are at times difficult to control.  They are working on getting him into some sort of counseling program where the whole family will need to learn how to deescalate his difficult moments and help him to make better choices.  These moments have affected the peace of the family dynamics, causing anxiety and exasperation for other family members.  My older granddaughter is in the 7th grade and progressing wonderfully!  She plays the clarinet, loves to bead and writes stories with her best friend.  Her characters in these stories are wonderful and her content is very well done.  I can see her being a best selling author someday.  She loves the Cottage Core style and of course is a great fan of the Annamae style.  She is quiet and introverted, much like her father.  She does a good job watching her sister and gets paid for caring for her when her parents have to go out for a while.  She is 13, and old enough to know what to do with the baby.  She helps her mother with many things around the house which is a great blessing.  My grandson, when not acting out, is a lovely and kind boy.  He loves anything Pokémon and I gave him a blanket of the older characters when I got there that he absolutely loves.  He has learned many things from his father who spent his younger years on a ranch in Circle Montana.  The last time he was there, he helped to string and repair fences.  He helps his dad outside with repairs and yardwork when needed as well.  He loves to ride the horses at the Circle ranch and enjoys playing on his tablet when he is allow screen time.

My daughter helps with the theater program at their church.  She works with the children of the church and they put on plays and other activities throughout the year.  My son in law also works as Director of an outside Choral program for Alexandria Louisiana.  He has been doing this for several years.  They have many performances around the area and he does a very good job leading the group.

I have recently turned 71 years old.  Last August I underwent open heart surgery for Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardio Myopathy known also as HOCM.  It is not curable but can be controlled.  In my case, my left ventricle was thick and pushed over into the mitro valve.  This made the space smaller and not enough blood was getting fully to where it needed to be.  I also was having SVTs which were periods of very fast heartbeats.  I believe it is called Supra Ventricular Tachycardia. Anyway, the surgeon said my blockage was in a difficult area and had to go through the Aorta to get to the spot where he had to trim the left ventricle.  It was a tricky surgery.  If he did not trim enough, I still would experience the symptoms, if he trimmed too much, I would have to have a pacemaker.  It was a long surgery and I had to be on a by-pass machine and a ventilator. I do not do well with anything over my face do to my PTSD issues.  I literally go into a major panic attack.  Also, if the air I breathe is too hot, I also panic.  Well, both of those factors were involved with my surgery.  When I started to wake up, I had a tube down my throat, into my airway and the air was hot. I couldn't tell them to cool down the air or take the mask off of my face so I panicked.  I started clawing at everything and had to be restrained.  I kept trying to say I was hot and I couldn't write it. The Chaplain who prayed with me before the surgery was there and told them, "She is saying she is hot!"  He was wonderful, from Africa I think but I loved him!  All that I could think was, 'this has to be what it feels like to be in hell'.  They quickly removed everything and I began taking in beautiful, cool breaths that calmed me down immediately.  I knew this had to be the breath of our Savior, Jesus Christ.  He had been there beside me through everything, guiding the surgeons hands, keeping me alive, loving me.  I began to praise Him and breathe His life giving air.  I thanked Him for keeping me alive and for His love for me.  I was in the ICU for about 5 days as my O2 levels were below 90, especially when I walked.  I went home after 5 days.  My boyfriend was able to stay in lodging that the VA offered for partners.  It was nice because he did not have to pay for his lodging or food. I was grateful he was there because I had no one else to help.  He stayed with me at my house until I was able to take a shower alone and then went home.

In December of 2025, we unfortunately broke up.  It was caused by many different factors.  Mostly, it was his mom.  He lived with his mom and dad as his dad was suffering from early onset dementia. We got along ok at first but her being a very staunch Democrat and me being a very stubborn Republican, we often bumped heads.  I tried very hard to ignore the little digs and rude comments she would make to me every time I went over to play cards with them. She would often insult my intelligence about things I knew for a fact were correct.  She would say things about my hair and sometimes yell at me. My boyfriend would just sit there and not defend me even when he knew I was right.  I just wanted him to tell his mother that she should not speak to me the way she did but he stayed quiet.  I mean, I understood that there was the issue of him living at home and he could probably get a great deal of wrath from her for standing up for me but I wanted to know he would support me if needed.  He also was making some very poor financial decisions and I am debt free except for my home. I did not want to marry him and have to take on his 75,000 dollar student loan that he had not paid a dime on yet.  He was involved in the Medicaid Expansion Plan and had Medicaid as a form of health insurance.  He was an Uber driver and considered essential during Covid so they allowed him to stay on the plan.  He had a bad knee that needed to be replaced and I kept telling him to get it fixed as Medicaid would not allow him to stay on that plan much longer.  He ignored me completely on this but kept complaining about it and the fact that it interfered with the things he wanted to do such as go on vacation, hike, walk at the park, go camping.  Well, one day he opened a letter from DPHHS and found out he was no longer covered.  These were the things that were red flags for me so I ended our relationship.  It was hard as he goes to my church but we are friends and we still help each other if needed for medical things.

I really haven't done to badly lately since the open heart surgery.  I can walk now without being winded, go up stairs, inclines, walk the store for groceries.  My health has been ok except for  falling off my front porch in February and breaking a rib and falling off the ladder at my daughters house and breaking my elbow. That happened on April Foolish Day and I knew not to get on the ladder but I wanted to finish the room before I had to go home on the 3rd.  I was sitting next to her eating etouffee at a  little hole in the wall restaurant right after the fall very much in pain.  I quietly told my daughter that after supper we needed to go to the ER. I told her my elbow was broken and she asked me if I really thought it was or was it bruised.  She took me and I came back with a splint on.  She said "Well, you can say I told you so if you want" but I just laughed and said, no worries.  I was stupid to get on the ladder when I clearly should have let you get that last little bit.

Back in February, right after the broken rib issue, I had to get a huge water leak repaired under the house.  It involved having to tear out the wall of the guest room that butted up against the bathroom.  It was a real mess for a couple of days but the plumber did a great job and I managed to find a great handyman to finish up some other projects that needed to be done here that I couldn't do because it needed a ladder to fix. He did all the finish work and put the guest room wall back together, painted it, painted the upper part of the bathroom that Bath Planet didn't do after redoing the bath.  He put up a really nice railing on the front porch and installed my back door Ring Camera and Solar Power attachment. He has agreed to paint the living room when I am ready to do so.  I ended up purchasing my ex-husbands 2011 Yukon Extended SLT after he passed away in February 2025.  He hadn't taken very good care of it so I took it to the GMC dealer and had a high mileage inspection done on it.  I had over 7,000 dollars of work done initially and a little more done recently.  The dealer said I should be able to get some good life out of it now.  He said even if the engine fails later on, the bones are excellent and I can put a new engine in it.  It has a ton of bells and whistles as it is the luxury model so I am slowly learning about it.  I love that truck to death!! It purrs like a kitten now and I plan to get a little trailer to putz around the state with. It's just me so I can go with one of the sleeper trailers with the galley in the back. Easy to pull for sure.  I may take my son to a few places as well.  We want to go on a cruise to someplace warm when all the silly shenanigans get done with the country.

Well, I have talked enough!  Y'all are caught up and I have things to do that I have been putting off.  Please take care this summer everyone.  Montana had very little winter moisture so we will be on high fire watch.  Oh, by the way, after my ex passed, his sons inherited the Freeman Cabin.  I was able to use it for 15 of the 17 years of marriage.  They did some work to it and now it is up for sale.  Look for adds near Roundup Montana real-estate if you want to purchase 20 acers of land and a real piece of Montana History.  The Montana Freemen spent 3 years there before they moved on to Jordan and had the Jordan standoff.  The cabin actually had a name.  It was called Redemption Township and was considered by the Freemen to be a "Sovern Country!"  I wish I could have purchased it but I wouldn't have been able to take care of it.  Take care everyone!  Cheers, Freedancer.   

We Have a New Baby!

 Well hello!  Long time no post!  Much has happened since 2022, some good some bad.  The good is that my beautiful daughter had a new baby on 4 January 2024!  Her name is Naomi and she is a peach! 

     I am going on three years in my new home.  I have done a great deal of improvements to this home.  After getting stuck in the bathtub in late 2021, I made arrangements to have a bathroom remodel which was completed by Bath Planet.  Let me tell you, if you want a project done right, go through Bath Planet.  I took out the tub shower combo and put in a beautiful walk-in shower with a bench seat.  It turned out pretty nice and I love it!  It is so nice to have grab bars and a bench seat.  I have experienced dizziness recently from a new heart condition and being able to sit down or hold on so I do not fall is so stress relieving. Since my home is older, the plumbing was not up to code so they had to go the extra mile to make sure it all matched the code rules.  Prior to the shower redo, I had 10 feet of pluming under the house rebuilt as it had a crack in the pipe.  That was a difficult but necessary job.  Then, I indoor/outdoor carpeted my outside patio space.  It is covered so it looks awesome.  I had two windows replaced in the back of the house in 2022. Lynrich had a special for veterans going on and I signed up in 2021.  They were so backed up that I had to wait approximately one year before they could get to it. It was so worth the wait.  Lynrich also replaced some gutter in the back that went around the patio.  The people that did it before put up the gutters but had the roof running under the outside edge of the gutter and when it rained, the water missed the gutter and ran down onto the patio.  So all of that has been repaired.  In 2003, I signed up for a 19 month Same As Cash with Anderson Windows for a new Bay Window on the front of my home.  It is beautiful and my two cats love watching the birds come to the bird feeders near the window.  They did a fantastic job and the final bill is not due until 2025.  I will have it all paid off in January of 2005. I have already paid it down by 75 percent.  I financed through Green Sky Financial and they are really great to go through and easy to work with.  That new window makes my Livingroom look much larger and I get some really nice light in the morning. My next project is to remodel my kitchen as it is old 1950's style and I have to have the bathroom repainted by a company as I am unable to do much climbing anymore. 

     My father passed away on March 27th 2020 and we had to wait until Covid was over to bury him in the Veterans Cemetery in Washington State. Unlike my son who had family around him when he passed away from pneumonia and Prader Willie Syndrome in 2018, my father passed away alone, in a nursing home. No one was allowed in due to the Covid.  He was 92 years old.  My step-mother passed away in April of this year and now my brothers and I are working on selling my dad's house.  We hope to get a fair amount for it as it is situated on the edge of a small runway in Yelm Washington.  He had two hangers built with the house to house his three planes.  After dad passed away, my younger brother was gifted one of the airplanes since he was the one in the family who obtained his pilot's license.  I started a second home business with Etsy.  It is called Pamelas Treasure Cove.  I sell items that I make and also vintage items that I find.  It has done pretty well so far.  The site on Etsy is etsy.com/shop/pamelastreasurecove.  If you would like to check out my other shop it is etsy.com/shop/freedancer. I sell photos and hand made jewelry in this shop.  You can also find my shop on the internet under Jewelry Designs by Pamela.

     Healthwise, things are pretty bumpy. I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease which was causing my body to attack my Thyroid.  It has been hell trying to adjust the levels as I am very brittle and just as it seems that we finally have it sorted out, the numbers go the opposite direction.  This is considered an Autoimmune disorder. This disorder led to another Autoimmune disorder called Prurigo Nodgularous which is a skin disorder that causes arms, legs and torso to break out into very itchy red bumps. When a person scratches them, sores develop and can cause the immune system to get disturbed.  There is no cure and no one knows why it happens.  This disorder caused another Autoimmune disorder to attack my second layer of skin, causing large blisters to form on the lower torso, scars, legs, arms and face.  It is called Bullous Pemphigoid and there is no cure.  It is very difficult to control as blisters formed around my Stoma where I have my Ileostomy flange and when I changed out my flange to a new one, the tops of the blisters were pulled off causing very painful ulcers that are very difficult to heal.  I wasn't able to get the Ileostomy hardware to adhere to my stomach which was causing a leakage issue.  So here I am dealing with three autoimmune disorders that have no cure.  Then it was also diagnosed recently that I have a heart condition called Hypertrophic Obstructive Cardiomyopathy. This is a hereditary issue.  Someone in my family line had it and it was passed on to me.  I was having horrible dizzy spells, periods of breathlessness and fainting with racing heartbeat.  It is when the left ventricle of the heart obtains a thickened wall.  This in turn causes the heart to stiffen and struggle to pump the blood up into the body.  When it pushes harder to pump it causes the wall to push over into the mitro valve causing a blockage. If you have ever heard of young athletes dropping dead on the football field or basketball court, this is what normally causes it.  It is treated by medication, Alcohol Ablation or Myectomy surgery which is open heart surgery.  They started me on medication but I am unable to tolerate them raising the dosage.  It causes me to pass out so I will be going to the Rocky Mountain VA Regional Medical Center in Aurora Colorado to be seen by a Cardiac Surgeon and if they cannot fix the issue there, I will be referred to Mayo Clinic in Minnesota where there is a specialized clinic available.

     One of the good things that has happened is that I now have a very nice boyfriend.  He is a Uber/Lift driver here in Billings Montana.  We have been dating since February 14th of 2021.  We had a 6 week break close to October of 2021.  It was a time where I felt I did not deserve to be treated nicely and because of that mindset we backed off.  He dated another lady for 3 weeks but came back around December of 2021 and said he didn't want to be away from me.  I needed that 6 week break as I had to break the abusive cycle that my brain was in. I spent alot of time talking to God and He ministered to me, letting me know that I was worthy of being with a nice man who didn't beat me, treat me cruelly, treat me like a roommate or abandon me like my last husband did.  I guess you couldn't really say we totally broke up during that time as we went to church together and sat by each other most of the time.  Anyway, the end result is that I broke the abuse cycle and realized that I didn't have to worry about him trying to kill me like my last two husbands did. We are pretty much made for each other though.  He has a bad knee on the same side as mine and has had one knee repaired.  We both have heart issues that are similar.  He recently had an ablation procedure that took his heart out of  Afib and he is feeling much better.  Every Sunday and Thursday night we play cards with his parents and it has become quite a competition between us and them. His family is the nicest and sweetest family I have ever met.  They are all Christians and family is important to them.  We celebrate all the birthdays at a restaurant of their choosing. We take a cake and have a great time.  I never had this sort of relationship with my family growing up. From the time I was three until I was 15, my father beat me violently and often.  My mother was afraid to leave and he never laid a hand on my brothers.  After growing up with that and trying to hide the bruises and welts from the leather belt, I was glad to graduate High School and go into the military to get out of that situation.  Unfortunately, that relationship set the precedence for the rest of my relationships with my 4 husbands.  All of them were abusive physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All of them just like my dad. My church has been such a joy for me.  My first date with my boyfriend was at church.  What a great place to meet someone.

     Well, my daughter and her husband are in Center Point Louisiana. He received his Doctorate and took a teaching position at  Louisiana Christian College.  My daughter received her Masters Degree at the college as well. Her husband has a chair position and is in charge of the Choral Division.  He also teaches the specialty Choirs and does Ear Training and Voice.  The students appear to like him and my daughter will be able to teach there as well or take a Principal position or administrative position.  For now though, she is a mom to three adorable kids!

     I guess that's it for now.  I haven't traveled much except to go home to my 50th class reunion which was fun to do.  I was able to stop and see my step-mother and get my Shirley Hugs.  It was the last time I saw her as she passed away in April the next year.  I hope everyone is doing well.  Hang in there and don't worry about the state of the world.  God didn't put us on this earth to worry.  If He can take  care of the birds in the field just think what He can do for you!  Cheers!  Freedancer

    

Another Year Has Come and Gone

Hello to everyone!  Here we are starting 2022!  I was beginning to wonder if I was even going to make it this far but it looks as though the good Lord decided He wasn't finished with me yet.  A lot has gone on in the last year and much of it was very exciting!

In 2021 the time came to renew my lease for the apartment that I had been living in for the last three years. I was totally in shock when they presented me with what they would be charging me!  Since it was pretty outrageous, I decided I didn't want to put that much money into someone else's pocket so I made the decision to purchase a home of my own.  I spent a great deal of time choosing one and every time I put in an offer, someone else undercut it.  This was pretty frustrating but expected as the housing market has been so on fire.  I finally decided I would look at a few that had been on the market for longer than a few days LOL!  I kept going back to a sweet little home on the west end of town that I kept putting at the back of the list.  It was 1200 square feet and all on one floor.  The house had new siding, roof, furnace,  air conditioning, water heater, windows and electrical.  It sat on a double lot and the location was excellent.  I put down an offer which was immediately accepted and I was off and running.

The home was passed over because it had cosmetic work to be done.  I closed on the home in April 21 and promptly began the process of painting and laying carpet.  I purchased all new appliances which included a washer and dryer, new fridge and new stove.  The stove, water heater and furnace are all gas so it would be relatively inexpensive utility wise.  However, the water turned out to be quite pricey.  I needed to use the water as I wanted to ger the yard in shape.  I did not have a garage, only a carport and for now, it is alright.  I know at some time in the future I will need to look at closing in the carport in or building a one car garage.  It has been brutally cold here in Montana this year and a couple of times the car struggled in spite of having a new battery.  

One very exciting item that my home did have was a well.  I discovered it after moving in.  There was no well listed when I purchased it.  My new neighbor has one identical to it and she stated that I had one as well.  I contacted a landscaper to come over and get it up and running and 3,000 dollars later, I had water!  I had the water tested and it came back relatively safe but has Coliform bacteria.  This is easy to eradicate by shocking it with a bleach formula.  So far, I am only using it for watering outside which is where most of the cost was coming from.  After using it for a month, my water bill dropped from 111.00 to 54.00.  This coming year, I will get a much better idea as to how much it will help.  One good thing is that I can run the water through a Berkey water purification system and it will render the water safe to drink.  This is huge as it gives me a 2nd water source in case of an emergency.  I bartered labor with a friend and we got the rooms in the house painted.  Someone who used to live there had painted them turquoise and red.  Yikes...not what I imagined at all!  We spent about two weeks on this and they turned out really nice.  The home has a storage building out back and we sealed the bottom of the floor edge with caulking to prevent seepage and painted it as well.  It turned out beautiful and after putting up shelves, I moved all my storage there.  I purchased a freezer and made a cozy place for it in the storage building and it works wonderfully.  I also purchased a medium size dorm refrigerator that can be run off of my solar generator.  I also have a small refrigerator as well that is not hooked up yet.  I wanted things that I could run off of my solar generators incase we lost power for some reason.

Earlier last month, I secured a sweet deal to install solar panels on my roof.  I spent hours and hours researching everything I could on the system.  The company is Purelight Power and they are based out of Medford Oregon.  They decided to set up an office here in Billings as well.  I am to have them installed this year after the weather gets better.  However, they have run into a structural problem so I am not sure if I will be able to have it or not.  If they can make the patio cover and beams stronger, they will continue, if not I will have to give this up.  Either way, I am ok but I would really like to have the solar power.

A few weeks before Christmas I was measuring a window for lights when I missed the bottom step of the ladder and broke my leg where the Tibia fits up against the knee.  I had to be non weight bearing for 10 weeks!  Crutches are a real pain to use and I couldn't use my scooter that I used when I broke my foot a few years back.  It was a difficult 5 weeks at first.  Then, I had a healer pray for my leg when my son was at church.  They and the church prayed it would be healed.  The next week I noticed that the pain was mostly gone and that I could put my weight on my leg just fine.  Two weeks ago, I ditched the crutches completely and have had no pain at all.  I can walk just fine and my knee feels better than it has felt in many years.  Prayer is wonderous and God is outstanding in my book.  I had really been on a bad luck streak but it has started to turn around now.

Hopefully we can all put the last two "train wreck" years behind us now.  This awful pandemic has ruined the relationships between people.  The ones who have suffered the most have been our children.  They need to be physically in school.  It teaches them the skills of dealing with people and helps them to gain emotional stability.  They need to be around their friends and they need in classroom teaching.  People spend too much time being afraid.  God didn't give us a spirit of fear.  We need our churches and people need to work and feel accomplished.  Making the vaccine mandatory is unconstitutional and takes away the peoples ability to choose what is best for them and their families.  We should be able to control our own lives and destiny and no one should force their control upon us in any way.  I have made the conscious choice to not take the vaccination in any way, shape or form.  It is my body and my choice and I will not comply with any of the government mandates that the president forces upon us. I believe Psalm 91 and I know that the Lord will protect me.  Have I had Covid, yes I have.  I had it approximately three separate times and I am still here.  Is it difficult? Yes, it is no fun to have but each time I do have it, my antibodies are strengthened to fight it off.  

I am optimistic about our future.  I see the signs of Christ's return more and more each day.  I hope He comes very soon.  This earth is becoming more and more like Sodom and Gomorra each day.  Soon, it will become very difficult for honest and believing Christians to find a safe place to shield their loved ones from the evil smoke that is slowly drifting across every inch of the earth.  I encourage all of you to make a survival plan for the upcoming trials and tribulations that are coming our way.  Don't wait until it is here, do your preparation now.

Well that is my update for now.  I will continue to blog when I can and share it with all of you.  Please take care of yourselves during these uncertain times.  Cheers, Freedancer      

                                                          Much Has Happened Since 2018

    Well hello everyone! It has been over two years since I have blogged and I thought I best get to updating!  After healing up from my second emergency surgery in February of 2018, I ended up leaving my husband and moved into my own apartment.

    This decision was not at all easy to make.  I was going on 14 years of marriage and had invested a great deal of my life into this marriage.  I tried very hard to make things work.  I went to counseling with him and things began to get better but our counselor left her practice to have a baby and everything went back to the way it was.  My husband was not physically abusive to me but there are many other types of abuse that I suffered from.  He was verbally, spiritually and mentally abusive.  I was screamed at, ignored, controlled and had a great deal of mental stress.  He pretty much controlled everything I did and said.  We went where he wanted, ate what he wanted, vacationed where he wanted and he constantly berated my home business.  Then, one day I was watching my son in law while he performed music at Boston College of Music on the internet.  My daughter was streaming it to me.  My husband had been upstairs all day and finally decided to come down to the living room.  He screamed at me to get off the internet, that he paid for it and would decide when I could be on.  This was far from the truth as I paid half of all the bills.  I asked him to please wait until intermission and I would talk with him.  He flew over and got right in my face and said "Do you know what you are?  Your're a dirty little pig!" 

    This comment hit me at the core of my heart.  I had spent almost 15 years cleaning, taking care of the furniture, kitchen, bathrooms and scrubbing, vacuuming and dusting everything.  I had dealt with cigarette smoke every single day as he would not go out doors to smoke.  I was a very clean person and even with my ileostomy, I still was very clean.  He had not touched me sexually in 13 years.  I was literally devastated by what he said.  I stayed up all that night, praying and crying.  I was unable to sleep and talked my heart out to God.  I asked Him what I should do and when.  At 7 am in the morning the next day, my answer came, as clear as a person speaking to me.  God said He wanted me to move out of the home and give my husband one year to start making corrections to his behavior.  If nothing was accomplished in that year, I would be allowed to divorce.  I packed my things, got an apartment and a new job and moved out on June 1st 2018.

    It was around August 2018 and nothing has been worked on so I continued to work at my new job and get myself out of debt.  In late November of 2018, I was contacted by a doctor at a hospital in Everett Washington.  My middle son, who was in a group home there, was very sick and his outlook was grim.  I contacted my daughter and let her know right away.  It turns out she was getting ready to call me to notify me he was in the ICU.  It seems that he aspirated fluid into his lungs when he was asleep and it caused Pneumonia.  We were called to the hospital where we had to make the decision to turn off his life support.  He had no directive so I was the one to make the decision.  We gathered around his bed with my brothers and their wives and each of us talked to him, telling him how much we loved him and asked for forgiveness for anything we had done and told him we forgave him for anything he had done.  His father called from Montana and told him it was going to be alright, to go with Jesus.  I unplugged his equipment at 7 pm on the 17 of December 2018 and he went home to the Lord at 7:28 pm.  It was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life.  After setting up the cremation and getting the death certificate, my daughter, my older son and I drove back to Montana.  In May 2019, we had a memorial service for him and in July of 2019, I placed most of his ashes into a mausoleum near my home.  He was a very large person so some of the ashes did not fit the state urn.  I put some of them in a small urn and flew to Boston in October of 2019 to place some of his ashes in the Atlantic Ocean with my daughter to help me.  We put some of his ashes into the water at Holter Lake Fishing Access where he liked to fish with his Dad.  I put the remainder of his ashes at our family cabin in the San Juan Islands when I went up to Washington State for my father's funeral on August 28th of this year.  My dad had passed away on the 29th of March 2020 and my divorce was final on the 27th of March 2020.  I am into my third year here at my apartment on the west end of Billings Montana.  I ended up giving my husband 2 years before I filed.  I found a wonderful church where I have been making great strides in my healing process.

    So for now, I am concentrating on getting "me" into a better place and getting closer to the Lord.  My husband and I are friends and he has told me he is very sorry for what happened but both of us have decided that there is no turning back.  In June of 2020, I was totally debt free and when my father's estate is settled, I will have enough to purchase a home of my own.  I will be consulting a Christian Financial company to help me to make good decisions with the remainder of my inheritance after I pay my Tithing and purchase my home.  I plan to go on a volcano tour before I become too old to enjoy traveling.  I have a passport that wants to travel so I think I may go to Italy or Indonesia to see some of the volcanoes there.  I also want to do the Rivers of Europe Tour when all this Covid mess settles down.

    So that is my update on what has been happening in my life.  I hope to have more adventures in my life but I will no longer be seeking another spouse.  I did not pick well the last few times so that will be left up to God to pick for me.  If He want's me to marry again, He will need to find me someone that He wants me to be with and I can wait on His timing this time.

    I hope all of you are well.  Live your life to the fullest and don't look back.  Stay healthy and remember to put God first in your life always.  God is my best friend and the greatest father a girl could ever have.  Cheers!  Freedancer

It's 2018!

Hello everyone!  Welcome to 2018.  I can honestly say that I am glad 2017 is behind me.  It was the year from Hell for me!  Why do I say this you ask?  Well, read further and you will understand.

I had several issues that caused me heartache last year.  First of all, in June of 2016, I abruptly left my job.  There were so many restrictions placed on us as Case Managers that I could not effectively do my job and help my clients.  For the next 10 months I lived on my VA disability pay which was roughly $700.00 a month.  It was difficult to say the least.  I trimmed everything I could find, barely went out of the house and basically just Facebooked through everything.  I had thought of getting another job but I had worked for over 18 years in the field of Mental Health and another 15 years in the Air Force.  I just decided that I would retire when I turned 62 and that is what I did.

In February of 2017, I had some surgery to correct an issue that had been harassing me for several years.  I spent some time recovering from this and started to feel better.  Then on June 7th, I drove to the VA hospital in Salt Lake City for a scheduled throat operation to correct an obstruction that caused me to have difficulty using my CPAP at night.  My throat would close up when I breathed out my air and I would wake up 50 to 60 times a night which was making me exhausted.  I had some nasal surgery and a Uvula removal as well as widening my airway a little.  The doctor didn't sugar coat anything.  He warned me it was going to be very painful and he was not kidding!!  That was probably the most painful surgery that I have ever had in my life!  I was unable to swallow any of my medication so I ended up having it switched to liquid and put my pills in pudding and jello to get them down.  He said it would be 14 days of pain and that is exactly how long it lasted!

I finally healed up from that surgery and flew back to Salt Lake VA Medical Center on the 25th of June for my checkup.  I went the day before because I was to see the doctor and he only was there one day a month in the morning.  I stayed at the Ramada Inn in Salt Lake as they are very good to the veterans and always take good care of me.  The night of the 25 of June I walked the 5 blocks to the Village Inn for supper.  I had a good meal and was on my way back to the motel to turn in for the night.  One block from the motel a piece of concrete had sunken into the sidewalk and I did not see it.  I stepped wrong on it and it flipped me up, bringing me down hard on my left foot, right leg and landing me very hard on my stomach.  All of my things were tossed all over the road and I laid there for 15 minutes trying to get up but could not stand on my left foot.  Finally, after cars sped by, not stopping to help a nice Hispanic couple stopped and picked me up off the ground and helped me get back to the the motel where I got a cab to the hospital.  After several hours, I was sitting in the exam room when the doctor came in and explained that I had broken my left Metatarsal base bone in my foot.  They put me in a wrap and doctored up my cuts and bruises, gave me some crutches and told me to be back at 10:00 am the next day where the surgeon would evaluate me.  My throat checkup was also the next day at 3:00 pm.  I made it to the hospital with the help of the VA Van Service and the doctor ended up admitting me for surgery on the 28th of June.  I had to have a screw put in it and would be non weight bearing for 12 weeks!

Sitting in the hospital room, I called my husband in Billings and told him he would have to come down to pick me up and take me home.  He would have to be here by the 30th of June.  He was pretty worried and said he would be here.  The surgery went well and the techs and doctors were all laying down bets on how long it would take!  I was released on the 30th and sent back to the motel where I waited for my husband.  We would stay over night and leave on the 1st of July for the drive back.  The VA had given me so much equipment!  I had a walker, a scooter, a frame to go around the toilet to help me get up and down and a big, bulky boot that only came off to sleep.  I was not allowed to do stairs so my husband put a bed in the dining room for me and that is where I stayed.  It wasn't too bad but not using my foot was pretty hard.

On the 12th of July, I was eating supper when I had severe pain in my lower stomach.  I tried to ignore it thinking it was just gas or something but it got so much worse that I was screaming in pain.  I started throwing up and thought that I had Appendicitis so my husband rushed me to the ER.  After 5 hours there and many tests later it was determined that I was seriously ill and in grave danger of passing away.  I was rushed into emergency surgery.  I woke up in ICU with an ileostomy bag on my side and no lower bowel.  It had all died in less than 24 hours.  I was devastated! I cried for hours and even at one point in my drugged stupor, accused my husband of trying to kill me as he made the meal that started everything.  I remained in ICU for 2 1/2 days and then was moved to the surgery floor where I began to learn about my new partner who would be with me for the rest of my life.  I was sliced from my sternum to just above my pubic area and stapled together.  The stoma nurse came every day and talked with me about my new friend and how to care for her.  I spent many hours talking to God.  I wanted to know why this happened to me.  There were no problems like this in my family, not colon problems or cancer, absolutely nothing that would lead to this.  The doctor just shook his head and stated that he was unable to tell me anything except that the whole lower bowel had suddenly died.  I wanted to know why.  Had the VA not made me to go all the way to Salt Lake VA for a 5 minute check up and allowed me to have it here, perhaps this would not have happened.  I was pretty mad, then I was bargaining with God, asking him to wake me up from the bad dream I was in and make things OK again but it wasn't to be.  It has taken me this long to finally accept my situation and start to live my new life.  My diet is changed and everything I eat seems to make my new friend, whom I have named Maxine after Maxine Waters, very angry most of the time.  I have had 4 times back to ER with one admission due to a blockage in my stoma. Why do I call her Maxine you ask?  Well, it is just a wrinkled up old bag full of crap!  The name fits her perfectly!  The hardest part of everything was that I was still non weight bearing on my left foot and had my stomach cut open and stapled shut.  I could barely hold my self up at one point and for several weeks, it was a challenge to get around.  During this time I lost 2/3rds  of my hair and that was very depressing!  It happened because my body was under such stress from emergency surgery that it couldn't cope.  It has now started to grow back in but is still grey!

I have begun to feel much better now.  I am able to eat a little better but not much.  I have learned what to do when Maxine gets mad so that I can stay out of the hospital.  The surgery cost 78,000 dollars and the VA paid for the whole bill.  I am very glad that I had the VA!  My daughter and son in law moved to Boston in August.  He started school in September.  We stay in touch through Messenger on the computer.  I miss them so much that sometimes I cry when I am alone.  I want to see them but I know that it won't be for a long time.

I have started Dave Ramsey's financial plan to get out of debt.  Hopefully, it won't take me a really long time to be debt free.  I needed this a lot and as I begin my emergency fund and pay off my bills, I have gained a sense of empowerment which I have never had.  I pray that I can accomplish this task.  This year I made my granddaughter's birthday gifts.  It is a start at least.  I am paying cash for everything at this point.

I am hoping for a better year in 2018.  I am praying that the politics will settle down and that our economy can get even better.  I am praying for peace and also for my health.  I would like a year with no health issues to worry about.  I just want to become renewed in Christ and hope that He sees fit to bless me with a calm year that I can enjoy.  As always, Cheers!  Freedancer 

Sad Day in the Life of Freedancer

Hello all!  Today my daughter informed me that they are moving to Boston!  Needless to say, I am devastated.  It appears that my son in law has accepted a doctoral position with Boston University in the field of Choral Conducting.  They will be there for three years.

I have a knot in my stomach that won't go away!  I feel like I can't catch my breath and I have cried so many tears!  To not see my grand babies for three years seems like a lifetime to me.  I do not think I will have the money to go there anytime soon.  I feel abandoned, left out, lost with no direction.  It has been convenient to be able to go to Belgrade Montana to see them.  It was only two hours away and easy to drive, now they will be days away and due to money constraints, almost impossible to visit.

I don't think they have looked at the big picture here. Belgrade/Bozeman Montana was a nice, quiet place.  It had somewhat of a hustle and bustle of a medium size city.  My son in law was at the top of the earning level as teachers with a Master's level in music go.  I get it.  He wants to go further in his life, to make a better life for his family and do what he loves to do.  However, how can he justify putting himself into deeper debt in a more expensive city?  One cannot even get a decent 1 bedroom apartment in Boston for under a thousand dollars.  The safety of the city is another thing I worry about.  People here in Montana are fairly safe.  We don't have bombers who blow up marathons or refugees that threaten the very lives of the people who live there.  It is so close to DC and the White House as well.  What if it is attacked?  Will Boston be destroyed or damaged along with it?

My daughter wants to be a stay at home mother.  She has a teaching degree that she is using here but over in Boston, she will have to get a license to teach there.  They are a Conservative family.  Boston is one of the most Liberal cities around.  How will they survive in that environment?  Will they even be able to find a church that they will feel at home in?  Sadly, my daughter will have to go back to work and my grand babies will have to go to daycare.  They can hardly afford this now let lone, the high cost of daycare in a city like Boston.

It makes my daughter mad if I question these things.  I understand that they are looking at this as a new adventure and they want me to be more supportive but they don't seem to understand that I am losing my daughter who is my best friend and my beautiful grand babies. No more birthday's or Christmas Eve Brunches.  No more Halloween visits or Easter visits to share with them.  I had high hopes of taking them all to our cabin for a weekend or two but this is sadly not to be.

Now she wants me to come down and help them pack and clean the apartment.  I am finding that I don't want to do this.  It would just make the day they leave more painful.  To pack their things in boxes and help to put them on a moving truck would be like pounding nails into my heart.  How would I be able to stand this pain?  If I say I cannot come down, they will say I don't care and if I go down and weep as I put boxes in a moving truck, they will say I am not being supportive.  My heart is breaking in two and they are moving to the other side of my world.  It just doesn't seem fair some how. 

I officially retired on March 19th 2017.  I was so looking forward to going down to see them in the Summer and spending more than just a weekend.  I was excited to watch the children grow and to be part of their lives.  Now I will be unable to do this.  I am already feeling lonely.  With one son living in Washington State and my daughter soon to be across the United States, I will have no one except my one son who is here in Billings. The children will be 7 and 5 when I see them again.  My life is going to be so empty without them.  

To me, right now, right here, life is so very unfair!  As always, Cheers Freedancer. 

Things They are a Changin!

Well hello everyone!  A great deal has happened since my last blog so on your mark, get ready, here we go!

As of July 28th 2016 I am no longer employed with the Billings Montana Mental Health Center.  As the sign above clearly shows my feelings for the situation, I will enlighten you all on the circumstances.

Medicaid has taken it upon themselves to rewrite the duties that I and other case managers like me have been doing for many years.  Suddenly, we were no longer allowed to "assist" our clients with any of their activities of daily living such as grocery shopping, ensuring they made it to their doctor appointments, assist them in getting food boxes or even taking action if we suspected abuse toward them or by them toward someone else.  We no longer can transport them anywhere.  The higher ups stated that all those duties were to be done by a Rehab Aid but the problem is...the office has none and won't hire any.  This leaves the clients who have no car or money for a taxi or bus pass with nothing.

The other issue was that we were being told to be "creative" with our notes so that if we did end up doing some of these duties, we could get paid for them.  This basically set all of us up to lie about what we were doing with the clients.  I have never done well with change and after doing my job for the last 18 years a specific way and telling the truth in my notes, there was no way in hell that I was going to lie about what I was doing or watch my clients suffer because they had no help.

My only solution for this situation was to leave my job and that is what I did.  I am thinking about applying for a part time job to fill the next few months until I retire in April 2017 so I am hunting on the job sites and applying for different jobs.  I really do not want to work with mentally ill persons anymore so I am looking for more of a normal type of job.  At 61 I think I could do bagging at the grocery store and just work when I want to.

It pains me deeply to see the clients suffering now.  I had persons on my case load who had no money, no car and couldn't get a bus pass.  They desperately needed the assistance that I gave them.  To rip that service out from under them was wrong, cruel and frankly, really stupid.  I foresee the Mental Health Center falling apart in the near future.

I did very well at the Montana State Fair this year.  I made a Steampunk style chess board and designed the pieces myself.  I received a blue ribbon for this.  I also received some ribbons for photographs and other jewelry items that I put in.  I also was given a Best of Show for a piece of jewelry that I designed.  All in all, I was quite happy with it.

My whole life is up in the air at this moment.  I don't know what to do or how to do it.  I have lost 65% of my income and am living on my VA income only.  When all is paid, I have $88.00 left to last me until the next pay day so it seems that I will need to find another source of income very soon to last me until retirement.  I hope that I can find something fairly easy to do that I will value.  I had thought of going into business for myself as an independent case manager but by the time I even started making money, I would be retiring so that did not seem practical. 

I am getting the itch to head out of town and do some grandkid lovin or take a trip for a few weeks but I would need to get some income before I do this.  However, I really would like to see my daughter and the children.

So folks, that is my story for now.  I'll update as things go along but for right now I am dirt poor and feeling it.  As always, Cheers!  Freedancer