The wedding was just beautiful! We couldn't have asked for a nicer day. She was the "Belle of the Ball". She was the most beautiful princess the world has ever seen. He was gallant and handsome. Two star crossed lovers gazing at each other in front of Jesus, taking a life long vow to love and cherish each other until they are called home. Yes...they will be happy. They will love the Lord and they will honor Him always.
I lit the candles and walked back to the foyer where I was led down to my seat. I looked over at my ex-spouse with his new wife. He was happy for his daughter. They were so precious walking down the isle and he stated that "he and her mothers give her to this man". He didn't want to leave out the new one in his life. His boys are precious. They are the boys I could never give him. It wasn't in the cards for me but I gave him a lovely young bride to give away. How proud he was in his tux and shiny black shoes!
The kids danced the night away! They laughed, sang and cried tears of joy. I watched, I thought, I cried tears of a nagging emptiness that I can't seem to shake. It wakes me up in the morning and sends me to bed at night. I don't know what to fill it with now. I ask the Lord to fill it but some how, I am not sure if He is listening to me right now. I call her answering machine just to hear her voice even if she does say a different last name. I miss her terribly and find myself going through page after page of baby pictures and wedding pictures. Will this emptiness ever go away? What do I do now? I feel like I am no longer needed and it makes me sad.
Yes, the wedding was a success. It was a grand show for all to celebrate. I look at this as something I got right in the world. This is something I can show the Lord that I can take some credit for. What will my future bring? How much time have I got left here now? I can remember asking the Lord to let me stay long enough to see my baby walk down the isle. I've asked to hold my grandchildren and watch them graduate high school and college. I've even asked to see a great grandchild. Will He grant me these wishes or will I have to settle now for what I have already seen?
Only you know Lord, what it is that I have left to do. Will you allow me to have a glimpse of what is to come or will I slowly fade into the background of life? As always, Freedancer
