I have a knot in my stomach that won't go away! I feel like I can't catch my breath and I have cried so many tears! To not see my grand babies for three years seems like a lifetime to me. I do not think I will have the money to go there anytime soon. I feel abandoned, left out, lost with no direction. It has been convenient to be able to go to Belgrade Montana to see them. It was only two hours away and easy to drive, now they will be days away and due to money constraints, almost impossible to visit.
I don't think they have looked at the big picture here. Belgrade/Bozeman Montana was a nice, quiet place. It had somewhat of a hustle and bustle of a medium size city. My son in law was at the top of the earning level as teachers with a Master's level in music go. I get it. He wants to go further in his life, to make a better life for his family and do what he loves to do. However, how can he justify putting himself into deeper debt in a more expensive city? One cannot even get a decent 1 bedroom apartment in Boston for under a thousand dollars. The safety of the city is another thing I worry about. People here in Montana are fairly safe. We don't have bombers who blow up marathons or refugees that threaten the very lives of the people who live there. It is so close to DC and the White House as well. What if it is attacked? Will Boston be destroyed or damaged along with it?
My daughter wants to be a stay at home mother. She has a teaching degree that she is using here but over in Boston, she will have to get a license to teach there. They are a Conservative family. Boston is one of the most Liberal cities around. How will they survive in that environment? Will they even be able to find a church that they will feel at home in? Sadly, my daughter will have to go back to work and my grand babies will have to go to daycare. They can hardly afford this now let lone, the high cost of daycare in a city like Boston.
It makes my daughter mad if I question these things. I understand that they are looking at this as a new adventure and they want me to be more supportive but they don't seem to understand that I am losing my daughter who is my best friend and my beautiful grand babies. No more birthday's or Christmas Eve Brunches. No more Halloween visits or Easter visits to share with them. I had high hopes of taking them all to our cabin for a weekend or two but this is sadly not to be.
Now she wants me to come down and help them pack and clean the apartment. I am finding that I don't want to do this. It would just make the day they leave more painful. To pack their things in boxes and help to put them on a moving truck would be like pounding nails into my heart. How would I be able to stand this pain? If I say I cannot come down, they will say I don't care and if I go down and weep as I put boxes in a moving truck, they will say I am not being supportive. My heart is breaking in two and they are moving to the other side of my world. It just doesn't seem fair some how.
I officially retired on March 19th 2017. I was so looking forward to going down to see them in the Summer and spending more than just a weekend. I was excited to watch the children grow and to be part of their lives. Now I will be unable to do this. I am already feeling lonely. With one son living in Washington State and my daughter soon to be across the United States, I will have no one except my one son who is here in Billings. The children will be 7 and 5 when I see them again. My life is going to be so empty without them.
To me, right now, right here, life is so very unfair! As always, Cheers Freedancer.
