Much Has Happened Since 2018
Well hello everyone! It has been over two years since I have blogged and I thought I best get to updating! After healing up from my second emergency surgery in February of 2018, I ended up leaving my husband and moved into my own apartment.
This decision was not at all easy to make. I was going on 14 years of marriage and had invested a great deal of my life into this marriage. I tried very hard to make things work. I went to counseling with him and things began to get better but our counselor left her practice to have a baby and everything went back to the way it was. My husband was not physically abusive to me but there are many other types of abuse that I suffered from. He was verbally, spiritually and mentally abusive. I was screamed at, ignored, controlled and had a great deal of mental stress. He pretty much controlled everything I did and said. We went where he wanted, ate what he wanted, vacationed where he wanted and he constantly berated my home business. Then, one day I was watching my son in law while he performed music at Boston College of Music on the internet. My daughter was streaming it to me. My husband had been upstairs all day and finally decided to come down to the living room. He screamed at me to get off the internet, that he paid for it and would decide when I could be on. This was far from the truth as I paid half of all the bills. I asked him to please wait until intermission and I would talk with him. He flew over and got right in my face and said "Do you know what you are? Your're a dirty little pig!"
This comment hit me at the core of my heart. I had spent almost 15 years cleaning, taking care of the furniture, kitchen, bathrooms and scrubbing, vacuuming and dusting everything. I had dealt with cigarette smoke every single day as he would not go out doors to smoke. I was a very clean person and even with my ileostomy, I still was very clean. He had not touched me sexually in 13 years. I was literally devastated by what he said. I stayed up all that night, praying and crying. I was unable to sleep and talked my heart out to God. I asked Him what I should do and when. At 7 am in the morning the next day, my answer came, as clear as a person speaking to me. God said He wanted me to move out of the home and give my husband one year to start making corrections to his behavior. If nothing was accomplished in that year, I would be allowed to divorce. I packed my things, got an apartment and a new job and moved out on June 1st 2018.
It was around August 2018 and nothing has been worked on so I continued to work at my new job and get myself out of debt. In late November of 2018, I was contacted by a doctor at a hospital in Everett Washington. My middle son, who was in a group home there, was very sick and his outlook was grim. I contacted my daughter and let her know right away. It turns out she was getting ready to call me to notify me he was in the ICU. It seems that he aspirated fluid into his lungs when he was asleep and it caused Pneumonia. We were called to the hospital where we had to make the decision to turn off his life support. He had no directive so I was the one to make the decision. We gathered around his bed with my brothers and their wives and each of us talked to him, telling him how much we loved him and asked for forgiveness for anything we had done and told him we forgave him for anything he had done. His father called from Montana and told him it was going to be alright, to go with Jesus. I unplugged his equipment at 7 pm on the 17 of December 2018 and he went home to the Lord at 7:28 pm. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my whole life. After setting up the cremation and getting the death certificate, my daughter, my older son and I drove back to Montana. In May 2019, we had a memorial service for him and in July of 2019, I placed most of his ashes into a mausoleum near my home. He was a very large person so some of the ashes did not fit the state urn. I put some of them in a small urn and flew to Boston in October of 2019 to place some of his ashes in the Atlantic Ocean with my daughter to help me. We put some of his ashes into the water at Holter Lake Fishing Access where he liked to fish with his Dad. I put the remainder of his ashes at our family cabin in the San Juan Islands when I went up to Washington State for my father's funeral on August 28th of this year. My dad had passed away on the 29th of March 2020 and my divorce was final on the 27th of March 2020. I am into my third year here at my apartment on the west end of Billings Montana. I ended up giving my husband 2 years before I filed. I found a wonderful church where I have been making great strides in my healing process.
So for now, I am concentrating on getting "me" into a better place and getting closer to the Lord. My husband and I are friends and he has told me he is very sorry for what happened but both of us have decided that there is no turning back. In June of 2020, I was totally debt free and when my father's estate is settled, I will have enough to purchase a home of my own. I will be consulting a Christian Financial company to help me to make good decisions with the remainder of my inheritance after I pay my Tithing and purchase my home. I plan to go on a volcano tour before I become too old to enjoy traveling. I have a passport that wants to travel so I think I may go to Italy or Indonesia to see some of the volcanoes there. I also want to do the Rivers of Europe Tour when all this Covid mess settles down.
So that is my update on what has been happening in my life. I hope to have more adventures in my life but I will no longer be seeking another spouse. I did not pick well the last few times so that will be left up to God to pick for me. If He want's me to marry again, He will need to find me someone that He wants me to be with and I can wait on His timing this time.
I hope all of you are well. Live your life to the fullest and don't look back. Stay healthy and remember to put God first in your life always. God is my best friend and the greatest father a girl could ever have. Cheers! Freedancer
