It Was Beautiful!

The wedding was just beautiful! We couldn't have asked for a nicer day. She was the "Belle of the Ball". She was the most beautiful princess the world has ever seen. He was gallant and handsome. Two star crossed lovers gazing at each other in front of Jesus, taking a life long vow to love and cherish each other until they are called home. Yes...they will be happy. They will love the Lord and they will honor Him always.

I lit the candles and walked back to the foyer where I was led down to my seat. I looked over at my ex-spouse with his new wife. He was happy for his daughter. They were so precious walking down the isle and he stated that "he and her mothers give her to this man". He didn't want to leave out the new one in his life. His boys are precious. They are the boys I could never give him. It wasn't in the cards for me but I gave him a lovely young bride to give away. How proud he was in his tux and shiny black shoes!

The kids danced the night away! They laughed, sang and cried tears of joy. I watched, I thought, I cried tears of a nagging emptiness that I can't seem to shake. It wakes me up in the morning and sends me to bed at night. I don't know what to fill it with now. I ask the Lord to fill it but some how, I am not sure if He is listening to me right now. I call her answering machine just to hear her voice even if she does say a different last name. I miss her terribly and find myself going through page after page of baby pictures and wedding pictures. Will this emptiness ever go away? What do I do now? I feel like I am no longer needed and it makes me sad.

Yes, the wedding was a success. It was a grand show for all to celebrate. I look at this as something I got right in the world. This is something I can show the Lord that I can take some credit for. What will my future bring? How much time have I got left here now? I can remember asking the Lord to let me stay long enough to see my baby walk down the isle. I've asked to hold my grandchildren and watch them graduate high school and college. I've even asked to see a great grandchild. Will He grant me these wishes or will I have to settle now for what I have already seen?

Only you know Lord, what it is that I have left to do. Will you allow me to have a glimpse of what is to come or will I slowly fade into the background of life? As always, Freedancer

My Daughter is Getting Married Tomorrow

It seems just like yesterday that I first wrote and shared the news that my little girl is getting married. It all came up so fast that I can hardly take a breath. Tomorrow is the big day. May 23 2009 at 5:00 pm in the little Baptist church on the corner where my husband and I took our vows. I've been on an emotional roller coaster since the first dress fitting. She looked beautiful then, when she picked out the dress. That was back in August 2008. There she was, all in white, with a lovely red sash around the waist. Gosh, how did I create something so beautiful! Now, it's the night of the rehearsal. We ran through it twice and everyone is ready, except me. My stomach is tied up in knots and I feel like she's slipping further away. The in-laws are the most kind and loving people anyone could ask for. I know this union is of God because for her to have an extended family this precious can only be something straight out of Heaven. As I look at her across the table from me at the rehearsal supper, I no longer see a little girl, she's blossomed into a beautiful Christian woman.

He sits there next to her, all starry eyed and so much in love. I know he will keep her grounded and they will always put God first. I know she will adore him and love him like Christ loved the church. He's strong and handsome, gentle and kind, thrifty and fun. I know she would walk through an alligator infested swamp just to bring him a glass of lemonade and he would do the same for her. How do I let her go? She has been my rock, my best friend and my helpmate. As I light candles tomorrow, how do I turn and hand him the tiny Lilly-white hand that has held mine all of these years? My stomach feels as if it has a thousand butterfly's trapped inside of it and I have cried so may tears that I don' t think there are any more but they will be here, slowly running down my cheeks tomorrow.

I wonder about the journey she will embark on soon. It will be filled with rough patches and tall hills, soft grass and breathtaking valleys. They will lean on each other through the hard times, reaching for Jesus, learning to be more like him. He will be there in their lives, leading, laughing, teaching and hugging them.

My daughter is getting married tomorrow. She will get a husband, I will gain a son and for a few hours, everything in our lives will be perfect! What a joyous occasion it will be! As always, Freedancer

I'll Give Up the Cat Wish for a Blood Hound

Hi folks! It's just little 'ol me here. It has been interesting at work lately. Someone finally listened to us about the space problem. They were in measuring the office the other day so I guess they are trying to find us a better floor plan with more room. One of the girls is heading off to Hawaii next week. Of course, we are jealous of her and begged her to put all of us in her suitcase but...alas...not possible. We decided that we are all going to use self tanner before she comes back and then we won't feel so slighted! Sometimes the job can be very rewarding even if it is just a small thing. I have a fella who keeps having seizures in his apartment which causes him to fall and hurt himself a lot. I was finally able to convince him that he needed to go to an adult foster care home for safety. I was able to locate one that not only allowed him to have his birds but let him keep his 50 gallon fish tank! Not only that, I was able to get him a spot in the only foster care home in the state that allows residents to smoke inside when the weather is bad. Every question he had about the place had a solution. When I took him over to see the place, he fell in love with it. He had been asking for a dog for a long time. The foster care home has three dogs. When he was visiting the home, he was very unsteady on his feet and almost fell over several times. The big dog ran over to him and wedged her back and side into his legs and prevented him from falling down! She just started following him all over and licking his hand. When we sat in the living room and started to talk about the paperwork, the other two smaller dogs came over and the smallest dog jumped onto his lap and started licking him and cuddling him. We were all fascinated by it. He will be moving on the 1st of March. There was even a current resident there that he knew and was friends with. I told my boss that sometimes, as stressful and thankless this job is, there are times when God really shows you that you are absolutely in the right profession. I truly praise Him for that.

In an earlier post I spoke about losing my Cockatiel of 9 years. I was asking for a cat but my sweetie stated that there would be no cat's in the house. After pouting about that for a while and coming to the conclusion that it was a dead issue, I started thinking about another dog. My little dog is on a wing and a prayer right now and the vet is surprised that he is still hanging on. Well, my sweetie and I were talking about another dog last night and what we would want if we actually got one. Both of us said that we would like to get a Blood Hound. It's actually quite funny as we had a really interesting experience with hounds when we were lost in Wisconsin on one of our Geocaching trips. We ran across this little house out in the woods with several hounds all chained up in these big barrel dog houses. They were barking and some of them were trying to get off the chains (probably smelling lunch) to get at us. That took some breather time to shake off. We started talking a little more last night about Geocaching and I said that if we got a Blood Hound, we could teach it to sniff out the caches! My sweetie got quite a kick out of this and we started talking about names and came up with "Geo pup" and "Geo pal". Well, we both seemed to take immediate ownership of the idea so I think we may look around a little. It was a very fun exchange of ideas.

The wedding is falling into place. We solved the dress material crisis and all it took was a color change. We are now going with red for the brides maids. There was plenty of material and it is a kind that they are always going to have in stock so we lucked out. The kids picked out the church and I am pleased to say that it is the church where my husband and I got married! They have the hall paid for and the father and step mother are paying for the food. All that's left is to buy the Mother of the Bride Dress. AAAAKKKKK! I ain't buyin it until right before the weddin so as to no be too fat for it. Anyhoo, all is going well. How does everyone like the talk about taxing everyone for how many miles we drive? We are not too keen on the idea. I mean, we pay a huge gas tax as it is. Well, all I can say is you who voted for Obama, got what you PAID for! Now you all are going to have to PAY for his ideas. Well, not much more to talk about today. Hopefully, the Spring weather will soon arrive and I will be off with my Trusted Steed to Geocache my life away! Cheers all! Freedancer

They're going to go free!

Well folks it has finally happened. Our two wrongfully imprisoned boarder guards are going to go home to their families. I thought I would never see the day. Let's just hope that after they are home they can have their records es ponged clean. I can't believe how rotten that prosecutor Johnny Sutton was. Can you believe how much evidence he had sealed? I would love to know what his beef was toward those two guards. I think that someone should arrest him and put him in the same prison the two guards were in. And...not only that...the Mexican government had their hands all over this case as well. They obstructed the outcome in every direction! I wish they would get it into their thick sculls that they don't have a right to come here and sell their poison to our children and take away jobs from our people. If we did that there in Mexico, we would get arrested and thrown into their prison. Well, enough of this soap box. I gotta hit the hay. I wish the best for the two guards and their families and for Johnny Sutton...go pound sand! Cheers for now, Freedancer

Gettin Ready for a Weddin

Well folks, things seemed to be coming together real fine for this upcommin weddin. My beautiful daughter and my handsome, soon-to-be son in law are working hard on the plans. I thought we had the dresses figured out for the girls but after I ordered the material from Hancock Fabric on line, disaster fell upon us! They didn't have enough of the material that we wanted and had to cancel the order. Hells bells!! Anyhoo, we now must regroup and get this show on the road. Would anyone out there like to talk about your kids wedding experience?

After I got through being jealous and having my pity party for one about my little girl going to her in laws for the Christmas holidays, I managed to finally take it in stride. After all, I am not losing my baby, I am gaining a wonderful and talented music teacher and a dear Christian. That is what I wanted in the first place was to have my baby marry a good Christian man. Still, it's hard to let her go. I mean after all, who the heck am I going to drink cocoa with and watch scary movies with now? I can't ask my main sweetie to watch them. Well...I could I guess... but I can't feed him anything because he goes to right to sleep! I can't ask my oldest son to come over and watch them because he doesn't like the old, classic, scary ones.

Work is getting a little stressful for all of us. Our space at the office is too small and there are 9 of us in there. We are constantly moving desks around and finding ways to give more space. Thank God for the new guy! He loves to decorate and celebrate. If it wasn't for him, it would be kind of drab around there. It's after the holidays now and all the girls are wantin to diet in the office. The problem is, one of us loves to make peanut butter fudge and the new guy is a master at cheese cakes. (OMG, they are out of this world too!) As soon as the weather gets better, we'll be out in droves walking off the holidays. I live close enough to walk to work on a daily basis when the weather cooperates. I just have to make sure that the days I walk that I can drive the company car.

On a bit of a sad note, I lost my 9 year old Cockateal on the 13th of January 2009. I dearly miss her as she was my companion on Sunday mornings when I read the paper and listened to Lonnie Bell's Country Classics. She really loved that song that went "Ain't much fun since I quit drinkin". She used to peep loudly and dance around in circles. She would often hop down for a drink of water and do the "cold water song" too, which was pretty funny. I came home from work one night and she was in the bottom of the cage, holding on to the bar to steady herself. I just scooped her up and rushed her to the vet. Unfortunately, I was a day or two to late as the vet called the next day and told me she passed away. It is amazing how attached we get to our pets isn't it? I'm asking for a cat now but I can't get my sweetie to authorize it and pettin the fake on on the back of the couch just doesn't cut it. Have any of you had a pet that really left an impression on your heart? Reply to this blog and tell me about it. I think sharing about them can be quite cathartic.

Well, I have babbled enough for one night. Hope you can comment on this or any of the other blogs. Cheers for now, Freedancer.

2009 is Finally Here!

Hello everyone and happy new year! I don't know if you feel the same but I've never been so happy to see a year be put behind us as 2008. I mean, don't let the universe door hit you in the butt on the way out! Gracious, what a year huh?

Christmas has come and gone and the tree is down and in the back of the pickup. I've vacuumed and dusted the house and taken down all the Christmas decorations. In a way, I was glad to put it all away. I have plans for this year...I'm going to find a nice church and get to know some great people. I realized that I've been lonely. Not for lack of people mind you but lonely for Jesus.

I've been a born again Christian since August of 1984. He pulled me up from the lowest point in my life. I was ready to pack it all in and take my life but Jesus saved me and I've never felt that way since. I've been in quite a few different churches since then. I've visited Baptist, Methodist, Church of Christ, Pentecostal, and many different non-denominational ones but a few years ago, I quit going because I just couldn't find my niche. I've never stopped believing or hoping or praying. I talk to Jesus all the time and ask for his Divine guidance daily with my job and life. I guess what I am searching for is more of a closeness to Jesus. I got frustrated when I visited the many churches. Every time I thought about joining one, I was told that I had to go through 6 or 7 weeks of new member classes. These classes went over salvation and how to get it and etc. I was already saved! I knew all that stuff and what I wanted was to sink my teeth into the meat of the gospel. I thought that just being married would fix everything but I was still lonely and when that marriage ended after 14 years, I pretty much gave up.

Enter 2009, a whole new year, a whole new chance at improving my life and erasing some of this loneliness that I have been experiencing. My sweetie has agreed to commit with me to finding a church and I'll pray daily, asking God to lead us to the right one. I don't know where that will be but I am willing and able to step out on faith and let Jesus and the Angeles show me the way. I hope we can find some comfort there. I hope we can find some friends there. I crave the Word. I want to feel empowered again by the Holy Spirit. I no longer want to fear death as I have been.

This will be a journey that will bring out many feelings and memories. I hope I can grow and learn to be the Christian that God wants me to be. I hope I can face the Devil and tell him boldly "Get behind me because you're not going to hurt me anymore". I look forward to this journey. I look forward to sharing this time with my dear husband. I yearn for the healing that Jesus has in store for me. For now, this is my deepest wish. Cheers! Freedancer

Back East Was A Blast!

Well hello folks! We had a great time on our trip back East. We Geocached in 20 states and I finally got to fill in my state map on the geo-site! The countryside was a real eye opener. We really enjoyed Maine, Vermont, West Virginia and Connecticut but Illinois and Massachusetts were a pain in the behind. Seems as though no one in the last two states has a bathroom in their stores and gas stations. At least, that is what we were told when we pulled off the freeway to use one. You can't even go into the restraunts or other businesses unless you purchase something first! I had to actually buy something for a dollar to be able to pry the bathroom keys out of the store clerks hand. What a silly way to do business. The Geocaching was really fun. We went all the way to the Atlantic Ocean and dipped our toes in it. We had lobster and cheesecake and actually slept in the van for four of the days. However, after the four days, we decided that we were too old to sleep in the van and spent the rest of the time in moderate hotels. New York was as crazy of a place that I would ever want to be. The traffic was nuts back East. Nothing like Montana. I am not sure what these folks would do if they were on a road that had no cars for a few hundred miles. The one great thing about back East was that we got there just when the trees had started to change color. I wish we could have stayed a little longer as they were really coming alive on the way back. A few more days and they would have been in full glory! All in all, it was a fascinating trip and I would like to go to Maine again and spend more time going down the coast.

After getting back home, we started back to work wishing we were still on the coast. I sold old Red (my van) and got into a smaller car. Funny though, the gas then started to drop so I have to wait to see the advantages of a smaller car. I like my Toyota though. It is stellar on gas mileage. It holds it's own in the snow that we have had for quite some time now. It has been really cold here in Montana. Below zero temps and wind makes for an uncomfortable time.

We were asleep a few weekends ago and about 1am we got woken up by sirens and police cars flying down our neighboring street. After we got back to sleep, my phone rang and a police officer told me to come outside as someone had hit my new car while fleeing from the police. Of course I was pretty ticked off as I have only had it for a month at this point. It wasn't as bad as I thought however. After I picked up all the pieces of car from the street I realized that they weren't from my car but from the one who side swiped me. I still ended up with 800 dollars worth of damage. Seems as though a 14 year old boy, drunk and no license didn't want to get caught by the police so he decided to run. Not a real good driver as he wiped out three cars before side swiping me. I haven't had the greatest of luck with vehicles lately.

Well Christmas is here and to tell you the truth...I am not into it at all this year. I didn't even want to put up a tree this year. Can't tell you the reason but I just don't really care about it this year. A lot of people at my work this year feel the same as I do. Maybe it is the economy or something but I just feel blah! Finally got a tree but only did so because my sweetie wanted one.

Not too much more to say here. Just got back from a Christmas party at the Doctor's house. He is my sweeties boss. Really nice house and great food too. The guy's really into hunting and fishing. There are animal skins around the house as well as fish on the walls. I especially enjoyed eating the antelope. Never actually had that before. Oh well, guess I will update you all later on how my stomach liked it. Cheers for now all! Merry Christmas....I guess.